Monthly Archives: August 2013

Day Fifteen

12:05 p.m.:  On my way back home.  Last night was fabulous, even if Bowling Green did get really f’ing sweaty.  He tries to make me stay, he’s a sweet heart.  We have a nice understanding that we both like each other and that it’s a little more than just sex, but not enough to justify being in a long distance relationship or anything.  Whatever it is, it works.

3:13 p.m.: Text from Boss’s Friend! “How was your week stranger?”  It’s good to know he doesn’t hate me or something.  He doesn’t waste any time saying he’s going to be in town next Friday and wants to “watch a movie or something.” He says he’s only going to be here for the night because he’s headed to Indy for a wedding Saturday morning.  Part of me is flattered that he wants to spend the little time he’s here with me, but another part of me is worried that he’s counting on getting laid.  He’s not the kind of guy I could just have sex with and walk away from, which I really don’t want to do at all now anyways.  I just like him, and I hope it’s not weird.

11:42 p.m.: Friend calls me, he’s totally drunk.  Asking if I wanna come to his house and drink.  Trying to decide if I want to.  I’m going to Bloomington tomorrow, and I don’t want to get burnt out and not feel like raging tomorrow night.

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Day Fourteen

1:43 p.m.:  Bowling Green told me the day before that he has Friday off and that I should come down there later tonight.  Now he tells me he doesn’t think he’s getting off til later.  I tell him if he finds out he’ll get off earlier let me know, since I have time to come down.  I don’t really care either way.  It’d be nice to get it in, but I’m not counting on it.

6:46 p.m.:  Bowling Green texts me and tells me to get down there.  I finish up some work stuff, take a shower, obsess over what to wear, and hit the road.

10:02 p.m.:  Made it here finally.  His house is feeling low key.  Was kind of hoping we were gonna go out, but oh well.  We all watch the Vandy game.  It’s a wild one!  His roommates slowly start to drop like flies, then he turns my head and kisses me.  He’s such a good kisser.  Refreshing.

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Day Thirteen

11:47 p.m.: Still haven’t heard from Boss’s Friend. Merp. However, today he called my boss and one of the first things out of my boss’s mouth was “Yeah she’s right next to me.” And then they got off the phone. WTF. First of all he promised not to talk about it with my boss, and second why are you talking about me instead of to me. Stupid boys.

Day Twelve

1:42 p.m.: I got a raise today! Hooray!  Even after I forgot my boss’s dry cleaning the day of a big event.  Oops.

7:06 p.m.: Get invited out for a beer at the place No Longer F No Longer FB works.  My friend calls and they say he is working tonight.  Ugh.  Debate for 10 minutes whether I should go or not.  Finally decide I should.  Make sure I look good. Have a mini heart attack.  He’s not even working. Oh well.  Have a beer and then head to Old Chi for trivia night.

12:15 a.m.: Just got home.  I’ve been thinking about Boss’s Friend a lot.  The day after we hung out we texted all day, then the same thing the next day.  Then today nothing.  At first I was enamored, but I guess you could say it’s diminishing.  Today I was just sitting there thinking how happy I was being single.  But it’s hard for me to forget how well we clicked.  Maybe I should try harder though; I can’t just ignore the fact that he lives two hours away.  Anyways, I promised myself I won’t text him again unless he texts me, which isn’t a struggle or anything, just a mental note.

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Day Eleven

10:18 a.m.: Get up.  Ugh.  Big day today.  We have a big charity event that we’re doing tonight and I still don’t have all the stuff we need.  Time to run errands!

3:01 p.m.: Pull up to the event, get things unloaded, set up, direct people what to do, change clothes, get ready for the craziness!

8:12 p.m.: Craziness subsided.  One of the guys that was helping us kept calling me Rachel.  Weird.  Find Boss’s Fiance and Boss’s Friend.  I’m 3 beers and a couple glasses of wine deep at this point.  Me and Boss’s friend really hit it off.  We just clicked.

9:36 p.m.: Get a text from Boss’s Friend who got my number earlier that night so that I could meet him at the door with his ticket.  He’s flirting but not in a creepy way.  I’m drunk.  I keep telling him to come to this party me and my friends are at.  I keep drinking and having an awesome time and drunk texting a bunch of people.

2:51 a.m.: Text from Boss’s Friend saying he passed the fuck out.  I’m driving so I call him.  I tell him I’m waiting for my friend to text me back, he tells me to come wait over there.  I do.

5:45 a.m.: On my way home.  Now I have a huge crush on him.  He’s super sweet, super funny, and totally didn’t try to have sex with me.  We just made out and talked and laughed.  The worst part is he’s living in Nashville now and was only here for the weekend.  FML.

Day Ten

9:08 a.m.: Get up.  Ugh.  Have plans with Ex-boyfriend today.  Trying not to get my hopes up because things always seem to come up/go wrong when we have plans.

12:20 p.m.: Get off work yay!  Call Ex-Boyfriend.  He’s hungover and half alive but tells me to come over.

12:29 p.m.: Text from Ex-Boyfriend.  His girlfriend came home unexpectedly.  Can’t hang out.  Fuck.  I get an instant urge to never talk to him again for the 7th time.  I tell him how much this sucks, how I don’t want to feel like this.  He says he doesn’t want me to feel “anything but amazing.”  I can’t help that I love him, but the timing right now is absolutely horrible.

8:42 p.m.: Text from Distant but Interesting asking what I’m doing tonight.  He texted me last night at 2:30 a.m. while I was asleep and I never answered.  We talk back and forth a little bit.  Eventually offers to pick me up so we can smoke.

11:58 p.m.:  Distant is outside.  Be out in a sec!

3:56 a.m.: Just got home.  What a weird night.  It started off fine, just went on a route with Distant and his friend.  Then his friend took us to Distant’s house and left.  We eventually decided to watch a movie, and he was acting like he wanted to have sex with me.  I was not planning on it, and so I was trying not to move things along.  We only kissed for a brief moment, the rest was just hardxcore cuddling.  Anyways nothing happened and he took me home.  Whatever. I think he’s still hung up on his ex.  Have fun with that buddy.

Day Nine

10:32 a.m.: Wake up. Don’t have to be to work til 2pm today.  Yay!

12:28 p.m.: Head out to lunch with Potential Denver Roomie.  Talk to her about happenings with Ex-Boyfriend.  She really tries to sway me against it.  She reminds me we’re moving in a year, he has a baby, a girlfriend, and just think about all the stress and all the things that could go wrong.  She’s right. Last night he told me he’d call me today and said we could hang out on Friday.

8:10 p.m.: Text from Ex-Boyfriend.  He’s been dealing with his girlfriend, can’t call me.  Promises he’ll call me tomorrow.  I respond with “=\” to which he responds “I know..” Ugh.  This sucks.  It reminds me so much of how things used to be with us at one time.  He was so unavailable.  And it made me feel loved and neglected at the same time.



Day Eight

12:08 p.m.:  Finally get out of bed after waking up the third time.  The last few days have been highly uneventful.  Hence my lack of writing.  Just a lot of work and sore feet.  Plan is to go out tonight with some girls so hopefully it’ll be something worth writing about.  Dreading the possibility of running into No Longer F No Longer WB.  Hopefully if he is there it won’t be so bad because I’ll be with my girl friends.  They said if it feels too weird we’ll leave.

1:16 p.m.: Decide to play video games/watch TV until my phone is fully charged so I can go to the gym. I haven’t been in so long and it’s starting to make me feel bad about myself.

6:28 p.m.: Totally didn’t go to the gym.  Ended up watching the episodes of Dexter and Ray Donovan that we’ve missed since the TWC Showtime black out.  Oh well, it was fun.  Yay family time.

10:07 p.m.: Head out to one of my guy friend’s houses and have a beer with him and his friends.  While I’m there I get an unexpected call from Ex-Boyfriend.  He’s out at Hammerheads and wants me to come see him.  I tell him I’ll be there in 15 minutes.

11:15 p.m.: 30 minutes later, I see him sitting outside.  He buys me a drink and we sit and talk and laugh about everything and nothing.  An older gay guy turns to us and asks if we’re together and if we’re not then we should be.  Neither of us know what to say, we just laugh.  He said a fucking mouthful there.

12:36 a.m.:  I find out that his baby and his girlfriend aren’t around.  He asks if I want to see his apartment since I’ve never gotten to.  I do.  I know this is starting to sound like a stupid romance novel or a Lifetime movie or something.  It wasn’t like that.  Neither of us knew how things were going to turn out.  We were just enjoying this time we were getting to spend together.  It’s been so long.

1:15 a.m.: After trying to get my friends to come up to the apartment but losing them in the process, we go back upstairs so I can get my phone and wallet.  I’m pretty drunk at this point.  He puts on an old record that reminds us both of each other.  He tells me how it used to upset him when I would bring new boyfriends to the restaurant he worked in.  Without thinking, I tell him I only did that so he would tell me they weren’t good enough.  He takes my glass out of my hand and kisses me.  It feels so poignant but at the same time like it just happened yesterday.  I end up on the floor with him on top of me.  For about 30 seconds I forget that we’re in his apartment where his girlfriend could walk in any second, and everything just feels right.  I break the passion by getting up to go pee.  Despite the romance, I just don’t want to get a UTI.

1:49 a.m.:  On the couch now.  It’s happening.  This should be fucking amazing, we haven’t had sex in 3 years and he was the first person I ever loved.  But I can’t get out of my head.  I keep running through this scenario of his girlfriend coming in and beating me up or any number of awful things happening.  I also can’t stop thinking about how weird this all is.  He knows there’s something wrong and keeps asking what he can do.  I try to explain, but I feel like I’m just ruining the moment.  He finishes.  I used to know exactly how I looked in his eyes, but I can’t help but notice that his hands feel different on me now.  He tells me so many times how gorgeous, perfect, and amazing I am.  I used to believe him no questions asked.  Why can’t I now?

2:33 a.m.:  He has to be at work at 6 a.m. so I leave.  I meet up with my friends downstairs and we go to one of their houses a few blocks away.  Hang out there for a while and talk about what a weird night it was for everyone.  One friend talks about her relationship woes with one of my best friends who was just in town visiting from Colorado.  She seems so together and over him and he is so not.  I wish I felt the same way she does about Heart-Breaker.  I was missing him earlier in the day, but Ex-Boyfriend was enough to make me forget. I hope he has time to see me again soon.

3:51 a.m.:  Headed home.  What a weird fucking night.

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Day Seven

9 a.m.: Wake up. Ugh.

10:04 a.m.: Get to work. Immediately sent on errand running adventure.

10:46 a.m.: A family consisting of a man, a woman, and two kids blatantly cuts in front of me in line at TJ Maxx. What the fuck. Really??? Fucking people.

11:22 a.m.: Old bag that should not be driving almost nails me in her Honda Element and seemingly doesn’t even notice. Fucking people.

2:04 p.m.: Lunch with Potential Denver Roomie to talk about our visit there in October. I’m really excited to go and visit everyone!!

1:02 a.m.: In bed. Boring night. Wish I could’ve done something since I have the day off tomorrow, but no one texted me back. Merp. I hate that. Fucking people.

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Day Six

12:14 a.m.: Wish I was more tired right now.  Cleaned out my closet today, so I’m officially not living out of boxes and suitcases anymore.  Feels nice, but there’s still a lot of things I need to do to settle in to my new living space.  Oh well, it can wait.  Still haven’t heard from Band Guy.  Maybe No Longer F No Longer WB got to him.  Oh well.  Not too worried about it.  I did hear from Distant but Interesting guy today.  We talked a little bit at the beginning of the summer and then stopped.  I saw him again and he kind of explained he was involved in some weird shit with his ex but that he “wanted to see what was going on with me.”  So we’ve talked occasionally again.  He’s super busy with school all the time so we haven’t really hung out, but he’s fun to talk to on the rare occasion that we do.  Anyways, been trying not to think too much about No Longer F No Longer WB. It’s inevitable we’re going to see each other out at some point, and I know he’s too proud to apologize.  We have pretty much all the same friends.  Fuck.  He’s the one that made it awkward so he’s the one that can leave places if he doesn’t want to be around me.  Also, I talked to one of my friends about moving to Colorado in a year.  Pretty pumped about that.  We’re planning a visit in the Fall.  Can’t wait to see all my bbys that have moved out there!


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